So I have this unborn child inside me. He’s about the size of a banana, just kind of swimming around and growing and enjoying second-hand ice cream. The idea of bringing a little dude into the world makes me look around more closely at boys all around me and their various behaviors. Upon seeing a kid with a buzz cut and an ugly necklace walking across the Hawthorne Bridge the other day, the terrifying thought – “Oh my God, what if my kid wants to wear a NECKLACE?” Then there’s a chill little guy on the bus, helping his mom with some bags – I’m relieved. Basically, I’m walking around and judging everyone I see, so it’s not that different from not being pregnant.

Whether he wants to wear necklaces, or get terrible hair cuts, there are a few things important that we will instill in this child. One: You do not boo the home team.

We went to the Brooklyn game last week, and it was pretty terrible. Really terrible, for about 38 minutes. We got five minutes here and there of mini-runs, and a glorious five-minute stretch of third-string play that scared P.J. Carlissimo into putting his starters back in. Thanks for that, scrubs, but otherwise the most redeeming part of my evening was getting a hot fudge sundae. At one point in the first quarter, I had to confirm with my husband that JJ Hickson was indeed in a contract year, and that LaMarcus was the one who had been sick earlier that week. LaMarcus was the only once scoring, and he was doing it while hobbling on one good ankle. It was bad. The whole thing was bad. Bad effort. Not that much fun to watch.

You know what? Some games are bad.

You know what doesn’t help? Booing.

I go to Blazers games to have fun. Usually my team wins (because I used to be good luck like that, and also, home teams win most of the time). I really don’t get why you would pay $20 and up to go to a game and get pissed, especially in a situation like this – one team is fighting for seeding in the playoffs, and the other is barely hanging on to a mathematic possibility of entering them. Teams tend to play flat after coming off a long road trip. Your star player is obviously hurt.

Do you think booing will help?

Do you think booing will encourage your team to victory?

Are you familiar with the way the human brain works?

There’s no reason to create more negativity when a game is already a bummer. You cheer for the good plays, groan a little at the bad plays, and move on with your life. Don’t bring the arena down with you.

I don’t boo the Blazers. Neither will my kid. We’ll teach that little guy that being negative doesn’t help your team, and that you shouldn’t take a bad performance personally.

So show a good example, won’t you? You’ve got a few months and an offseason to clean up your acts.