Tonight the Portland Trail Blazers kick off their preseason on the road against the Los Angeles Lakers. May the ghost of Greg Oden help us. Even typing those words makes my chest tighten, just the slightest bit.

I suppose you could say that I’m not particularly optimistic, and neither will be these predictions.

But first a proposal: Can we refer to this team, from time to time, at Stotts’ Tots?

Think about it.

My predictions:

• Luke Babbit will be too nervous to take any shots other than 30-foot jumpers. He will make four out of six.
• No centers blow their knees out. ZERO. Because we don’t have centers. All personnel at the five position will now be referred to with LaMarcus’ preferred title – Power Forward Two.
• Damian Lilllard scores a lot on Steve Nash. Steve Nash returns the favor. No one cares; it’s the preseason.
• Coach Stotts will be criticized after the game both running too much, and not running enough. This will cause Coach Stotts, understandably, to stress out about his new position and think, “I can’t wait to get back to that beautiful, crisp, sunny fall weather in Portland.” Coach Stotts will soon be very disappointed.
• Adam Morrison…nevermind. That kid has been through enough. How about: Adam Morrison will have tried his best under the circumstances.
• I will eat one more slice of pizza than what might be considered polite or reasonable.